Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I feel great
I just peed on a car
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
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