These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
