We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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