can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
