We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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