me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
