Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
