where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
