If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
false alarm. still invincible.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
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