Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Omg. Get me out of here. Someone is playing michelle branch.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
