He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Who knew there were so many rules and judgements about laying on a kitchen floor. I'm all like I'm resting. It just happens to be on a kitchen floor.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
