my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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