I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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