Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
