Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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