Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Are you asking me on a date where we get shithoused and do some fingerpainting?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
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