I just saw a hot homeless man
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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