he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
