you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Randomize
