I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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