I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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