tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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