as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
Randomize
