I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I understand Curling. That high.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize