is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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