Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Randomize
