Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
Randomize
