he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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