i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
