I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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