Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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