Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
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