This is not my ceiling
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
How naked do you want me to be?
Sorry I can't pick up... thought process is fine but too stoned to form words.
Randomize
