When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize