Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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