Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
