dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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