Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
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