and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
you never un-have a 4some
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
