remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
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