its not stalking. its research.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
