real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
you traded sex for a burrito?
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize