Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Randomize
