So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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