I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
