if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Baton twirling is one of his activities on facebook.
Also he is "an Ohio stae gran champion twirler". You cannot tell me he's straight
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
