Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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