Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
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