its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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