You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
