well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
