3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
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