Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Let's paint friendship bongs
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
