Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
