Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
we're so committed to being not committed
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
