Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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