So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Randomize
