He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
He told me they were just razor bumps!
His hands were made for my vagina.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Randomize
