Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
