I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Randomize
