and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
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