I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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