I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
