Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
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