Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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