I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Randomize
