Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Randomize
