You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
What a dumb baby whore.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Randomize
