my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Randomize
