every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
Randomize
