How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
