There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
