"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
he fucked my hip out of place.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
