I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
