so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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