I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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