Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
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